take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
