Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just pee around me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
