this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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