Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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