Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
