A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
