Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
