I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
