I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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