I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
