note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
