I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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