Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
