Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
time to smoke my breakfast
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
