I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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