glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
