Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
