I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
