she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think my moral compass just broke
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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