Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
