Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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