Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
