I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize