I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
