the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
