3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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