I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
