69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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