If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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