Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
