In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
