So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
