this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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