Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
