On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
