season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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