Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
