when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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