Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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