If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We don't watch enough power rangers
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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