I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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