Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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