She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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