oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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