your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize