I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
