If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
