Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
