i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
