she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize