I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
