I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
