i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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