I have demons in me.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
did i walk over a car last night?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize