Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize