I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
