I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He has the fingertips of a God
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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