he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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