No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
