She's JV to your varsity
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
