Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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