you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
