dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
